One legend holds that Saint Valentine was a priest who continued to perform marriages in secret after Roman emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men, believing that single men were better soldiers. Valentine was put to death for his disobedience but became the patron saint for lovers.
Nearly two millennia after Valentine tried to perpetuate marriage, it is again on the decline. According to the Census Bureau, nearly one-half of American adults are single, about 46.4%. That’s almost 120 million people who will probably not have a date this Valentines Day. According to the Pew Research Center, one-quarter of 40-year olds have never been married. A controversial study from two decades ago found women 40-years of age or older, who had never married, had a greater chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married. Critics later claimed the study’s methodology was flawed, but the primary reason for the results was that most women who made it past age 39 unmarried had little desire to get married.
Purportedly, marriage has fallen to its lowest rate since the government began tracking marriages in 1867. That may sound strange in the Information Age, when it is easier than ever to connect with people you are unlikely to ever meet in person. Indeed, social media allows people to connect with others from the comfort of their own homes, on lunch hour at work or anywhere there is an internet or phone connection. Dating apps such as Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and numerous others are tailor-made to connect people hoping to meet others for romantic purposes. In an era with so many Internet-based apps to meet potential mates why are so many people single? Economic theory would suggest that dating apps should increase the number of marriages, romantic partnerships and intimate relationships by decreasing the transactions costs of finding romantic partners. Here is what Associate Professor Kara Alaimo has to say:
The conventional wisdom, of course, is that online dating has made it easier to meet people. While that may be true, few of these matches are leading to marriage — or even meaningful relationships. In 2019, only 12% of Americans had ever had a committed relationship with someone they met online.
Why are there so many single people despite dating apps? Alaimo has a counterintuitive theory: The decline of marriage and committed relationships is due to… dating apps. The following is how she explains it:
First, many dating sites ask users a slew of questions and claim they’ll use the answers to match them with the right people. OKCupid, for example, says it matches people based on the answers they provide on their views of “everything from pineapple on pizza to voting rights.” This flies in the face of decades of academic research. Unfortunately, people’s qualities can’t predict whether they’ll be compatible.
Second, plenty of other research tells us that when people are overwhelmed with choices, they respond by not choosing any of them. Dating sites give people the impression of having loads of options because there always seems to be another person to swipe on.
In a nutshell, dating apps make it so easy to meet new people that people have little reason to settle down. A relationship that comes so easily, and can be replaced so easily, is easily abandoned, knowing another one is within easy reach.
There is probably something more at work than potential mates who are easily replaced. When you have more options, and transactions costs are similar, you get more selective. It’s not always analysis paralysis that inhibits new relationships. Neither is it as simple as saying, “why buy a book when there’s a library across the street.” A few years ago I read about research that hypothesized that with endless possibilities came the belief you really can find the perfect man or woman. While perusing dozens of profiles that are good, why not hold out for one that is better? When both parties to a relationship hold that view it really narrows down the field to the impossible-to-find pair of unicorns.
Or perhaps dating apps have made numerous, short term casual relationships viable options to meeting someone at church, college or work and latching onto them out of fear nobody else will come along. There are probably as many reasons for single adults as there are single adults, but at least they have a plethora of options if they want to change their relationship status.