Last May the Surgeon General raised awareness of the, “devastating impact of the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in the United States,” saying:
“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives,”
In an 82-page report, the surgeon general’s staff outlined the scope of the problem. This is a curious phenomenon because the Information Age makes connecting with people easier than ever. Prior to modern communication technology, people were really isolated, often working on farms with no daily interactions other than close family members.
The Information Age officially began sometime around the mid-20th century, but most people did not begin using cell phones, email or the Internet until the mid-1990s. Over the next few years social media websites, like MySpace and Facebook, among numerous others, made connecting for the sake of social interaction easier than ever. Social media also made finding romantic partners easier. Yahoo Personals were introduced in 1995, as was the dating website Match.com. MySpace came out in 2003, while Facebook debuted in 2004.
In the 21st Century why are so many people feeling lonely and isolated? I suspect that social media is a poor substitute for real, in-person interactions. It has been documented that social media can make you feel bad when your friends appear happier and more successful than you are. And they’re probably faking it!
Get this: several new investor-funded start-ups think they have the answer to loneliness and social isolation, as if Match.com and Facebook aren’t enough. The Wall Street Journal wrote about several new ventures and they sound… well, less than what I’m looking for in a new service to mitigate loneliness:
Agrawal… stands among the crowd of thought leaders looking to disrupt the social ailment of our era. Belong Center, a new nonprofit she co-launched in December, is one of several ventures across health, entertainment and tech aimed at tackling loneliness.
Like Alcoholics Anonymous for the Burning Man set, Belong Center has free-spirited vibes and aims to heal “mind, body and soul,” says Agrawal. Its meetings attract a Daybreaker-ish crowd—openhearted seekers in cowboy hats and flowy pants—but ask attendees to get a lot more vulnerable.
Its “circles,” as the 60-minute sessions are called, are run by facilitators who follow a curriculum of group meditation, discussion and movement. They have been free to join so far, though the nonprofit plans to start suggesting a donation of around $20. The intention is to help people improve existing relationships and establish new connections.
The cofounder compared Belong Center to a community center 2.0. A network of affiliates will open in cities across the United States in the coming year. A competing start-up is SoulCycle, and its wellness centers are called Peoplehood.
“Teams no longer know each other,” says Julie Rice, the co-founder of Peoplehood. “People are trying to collaborate without having any understanding of who is on their team.” Peoplehood offers 60-minute sessions at its New York City location ($35) or virtually ($25), where participants can learn how to build high-quality human connections.
If you think this all sounds like a bunch of New Age self-help psychobabble you are not alone. From my perspective it is not much different than the earlier purveyors of New Age self-help psychobabble. Over the years I have known people who followed self-help gurus, who used their charisma to fill venues with disciples, all willing to travel and pay hundreds (sometimes thousands) to attend conferences. Years ago, a friend gave me a ticket to one in Los Angeles, California. I had no desire to attend but she made it hard to refuse. At the conference one attendee gave a testimonial claiming it was better than the other self-help conferences he had attended.
Nowadays self-help gurus are all over YouTube, selling books, holding online meditation sessions and even organizing conferences, all for a fee. In my experience self-help conference personalities all seem to originate in California, where they have an easier time taking root. The earlier versions of self-help conferences sold cassette tapes and workbook courses. These newer programs are another attempt to monetize self-help.
Will franchise self-help centers and new-fangled social media enterprises alleviate loneliness and social isolation? I doubt it. Over the years I have met friends at church, hung out with people I met through neighbors, joined a bowling league, joined a homebrew club, planned cookouts with friends and met friends through school and work. My wife rides horses and many of the barn ladies who board at the stable socialize while there. I also have known people who joined meet-up social clubs that arrange weekly activities for singles and couples. I do not think a newer version of New Age self-help centers will work better than the old-fashioned methods that have stood the test of time.
A little over a week ago I wrote about dating apps for my Valentine’s Day post. I posted the link below. I reported on a professor who claims dating apps killed marriage, because the apps overwhelm users with so many options they (too) easily find incompatible temporary mates. She believes it is so easy to find mates people don’t value the mates they meet or value settling down. I wrote about other research that finds dating apps overwhelm users with options, who come to believe they really can meet their perfect match by waiting and being selective (that strategy worked so well for me my wife wishes she’d tried it. 🙂
Perhaps social media: 1) makes it too easy to make low-quality friends that people don’t try to make high quality friends. or 2) Perhaps it’s so easy to meet friends that people are always holding out for better quality friends. Or perhaps: 3) social media is the junk food of the friend world, and people overindulge on it not realizing a) it’s not healthy for them; b) it inhibits making the kind of friends you can invite over for a meal.
Post on dating apps and marriage: https://www.goodmanhealthblog.org/dating-apps-killed-marriage-the-war-on-poverty-wounded-it-first/